He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
