How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
