You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
