oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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