You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
