I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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