I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
