Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
