hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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