Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
