apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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