i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
