She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
FUCK WHALES
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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