There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
