Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
