we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
