woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
