At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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