I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I want a musical about memes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
