I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
