Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
