Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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