I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
