belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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