yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
