I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
