could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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