There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
