We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
