I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
