I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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