I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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