I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
