I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
