She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
