i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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