Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
