Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
