The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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