I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
