He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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