So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
