i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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