So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
