Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
wow bdsm is so cute
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
