Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you win again, gameday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
