I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
