I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
