yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
