I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
