I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
