you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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