its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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