woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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