There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
