This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
