It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
