i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Screwed.edu
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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