oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
