It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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