Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
