1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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