I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
