Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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