Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
