Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
