'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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