you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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