Plan B is the new Plan A
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize