If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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