i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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