so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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