What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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