We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
